Why Bother?
This week I take a deeper dive into blockchains. KIDDING.
I’ve been surprised at my own reaction to the the protracted “lockdown” of the pandemic. I’m an introvert; I like lots of unstructured alone time. I would have expected to have settled into a very productive period of writing music, something that I love and that requires long stretches of solitary time. But after a brief period of attempting to write and working on improving my singing, I fell into a significant “why bother” state, one that continues to a significant degree today. Nobody cares about my music or about our band, so why bother? I have felt that I’ve been just waiting until things return to “normal”, and so, in the meantime, why bother?
I am shocked, SHOCKED, that only two weeks into my family’s self-isolation, April 2, 2020 to be exact, I recorded and posted a solo video with the following comment: “As the days pass, a sense of waiting has settled in for me — a heavy thing, this waiting ... for what happens next, for things to get worse, for things to get better, for a “new normal” to take hold ... for the disease to strike?” Really? I said that?
I’ve been so very impressed by the folks who seem to be taking full advantage of this time. The very excellent guitarist Gary Lucas (and illustrious Stories from Storytown guest), who has been playing and regaling us with fascinating stories live from his West Village apartment three times a week for months! Wow. Taylor Swift wrote and recorded two new albums, winning a Best Album Grammy for one of them. Paul McCartney wrote and recorded McCartney III; I’m impressed at his never-ending joy in creating new things, not just rehashing his astonishing legacy. And yes, all those unheralded folks who’ve gone deep into sourdough bread baking. Y’all are all inspiring.
So I’m surprised and, to be honest, a bit disappointed in my lack of resilience. The slightest obstacles are annoying. I’m tired of cooking and washing dishes. And writing new songs? Why bother?
A recent NY Times article, There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing, really captures it. So many great and on point insights — “…the void between depression and flourishing”. Exactly. I’m not depressed, but I can’t escape a pervasive ennui, to use a fancy but apt word. The article identifies a state that captures what working on music is usually like for me and which I’m struggling to regain: “Flow is that elusive state of absorption in a meaningful challenge or a momentary bond, where your sense of time, place and self melts away.” Yeah yeah, why bother?
I know many many people have it so much worse than I do, so I know I risk coming off as whiny. My apologies. I’m truly very grateful for what I have, for my family, for my immense good fortune. Nonetheless …
Somehow, despite the chronic languishing, I have written some new songs, and I honestly think many of them aren’t half bad. During this time I’ve written When, Can’t Take Mississippi, and Where’s the Soul, among others. So maybe there’s hope for me after all.
It takes a kind of leap of faith for me to attempt a new song. The leap is fueled by hope, by a sense that the quest is worthy, and by a belief that I have something to say — a resounding rebuttal to the discouraged feeling behind “Why bother?” But when I’m languishing, when I’m “down”, it’s hard to get into that head space, much less spin up into some real flow. Well, it just turns out that I have taken the leap with a new song that addresses this challenge. Somewhat inexplicably, it has a kind of groovy, 70s vibe:
And remember, if it’s not the pandemic, it’s gonna be something. Why bother? Because the alternative is clearly inferior.
I know you’re all wondering how we did with our much-ballyhooed Run Run NFT auction. Well, NOBODY BOUGHT IT. Not even a single bid. Admittedly I only promoted the auction to our fan base, and, well, there you have it.
Please send me your thoughts about anything, either in the comments on this page or by emailing me directly at guy@storytownband.com. And go ahead and share this post with a friend who might enjoy it.
Until next week….